Who Am I?

K philosophical time!
honestly who am i? yeah i know my name, Ashley Hinecker, but that's just a sound that a mouth makes, or a group of symbols put together. Who am i really?!
Am i some snob, or am i just another looser. what makes me different from you? are we connected? Some say that we are all connected on a separate plain where our minds mesh with each other, and have the ability to transfer thoughts to one another. but if that's so, how do i know what I'm thinking is not your own thoughts? perhaps that little voice inside your mind that tells you to flee or to stay isn't really an instinct but a dark whisper from the person near you.
so if we are joined on a different plain and are able to connect to each other then why are we not all friends, why do i not know you? this stranger that has entered my life.
again though someone said that even if i picked out someone in the middle of china that
i have never met i will know them indirectly through 7 different people. i live in Canada, say you live in New Zealand, You have an aunt who is married into the family, she was originally from England, she had a close friend that likes to travel to the US and visit her grandchildren that live there. one of the grandchildren works at a appliance store. the manager there is fairly well off and has many summer homes. one is in Arizona, and one is in new york. the house he owns in Arizona is rented out to a sweet elderly lady that come down there during the winter months in Canada. the elderly Lady's main house is just on the outskirts of Edmonton. while the elderly lady is away she has her daughter clean her house. the daughter is also a teacher at high school in a small town. that teacher taught me cosmetology and helped me graduate.
i was off by one person but you see how it works. it took me only 6 people to be connected to you. we are fairly close, yet millions of miles away. will i ever meet you? probably not. will we ever have a chat? not likely. will you have made any kind of effect in my life. yes. it may be dramatic or it could be subtle. but you will effect me. its as simple as not showing up for the lunchur aunt had invited you too. causing her to wonder if her friends grandchildren were ever like that, then she may ask her, causing her friend to remember that the grandchild's birthday is coming up and will send her a gift. the child will get a gift and tell the people at work about it. the manager will remember that the elderly lady that rents his house is getting on in year and will probably send her a letter asking if she will be coming down again this summer to spend the time there. the elderly lady will receive the letter tell her daughter about it and perhaps the daughter might become distraught about her mother flying again and will perhaps go on a bike ride and may bump into me while i too was biking. then perhaps we will have a short chat or go out for coffee. but if it want for you not going to the lunch i would have never bumped into my old teacher.

I am a human. i have a wild range of emotions that i can skilfully use when the situation has a need for the, i can become compassionate, jealous, pitiful, happy, or vengeful. all these emotions are used when i need them but there are times where they explode from me like a firecracker. i am stuck wondering why. i will be joyful because of a sunny day yet i will burst into tears because of it. is this a mental melt down? is it because i am going crazy? i don't know. I have heard that when a person has a mental melt down like that it is because they are changing they way they think and who they are. which does make some sense to me. whenever i have gone to an extreme emotion it has always been because of some sort of change in my life. the day i decided that i no longer wanted to "fit in" and tried to explain that to my friends was a very troublesome day for me. i tired to commit suicide again. i thankfully survived and decided after that, that i valued my life too much to throw it away for morals and ideas that others had.

now if i had that much compassion in me to love myself that much, why do i not have that much compassion to love someone else. but that's the thing i do! i may not ever know you, i may not ever meet you, but i want you to know this that i do love you. i know it sounds cheesy but i do. i will feel sorrow for you if you are in pain or pass on. this is my world too, and i love all those in it. and i do feel for those that have nothing. i may be one person, but i hope that i can at least make some change. even if its a tiny one. then i have at least done something in my life worth wile.

I gotta leave for work soon so ill leave you with a video and a joke. enjoy!


Praying to God
A man was praying to god. He said, ' God ?' God responded, ' Yes ?' And the Guy said, ' Can I ask a question ?' 'Go right ahead', God said. 'God, what is a million years to you?' God said, 'A million years to me is only a second.' The man wondered. Then he asked, 'God, what is a million dollars worth to you?' God said, 'A million dollars to me is a penny.' So the man said, ' God can I have a penny ?' And God cheerfully said, ' Sure!.......Just A Second