Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
great outdoors.
are lost to me unless im doing homework out there.
you wont be seeing me till august, because thats only one nights worth of homework. ;_;
you wont be seeing me till august, because thats only one nights worth of homework. ;_;
Monday, June 23, 2008
why....?
why am i annoyed with twitter. well its because of this.
Twitter mocks me with this evil box!!
Twitter mocks me with this evil box!!
Friday, June 20, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 02, 2008
Grown in Canada, Made in China.
Blah, i still feel crappy. more tired then anything.
went to a wedding on sat. was a amazing. the bride look beyond beautiful, and the groom looked so proud. and the speeches they made towards each other could have made me cry so easily! they were so sweet, and full of love. the groom promised to always be there for the bride and take care of her.
pretty much they had what i wanted. i want someone who can and will take care of me. im sometimes so tired of always being the person that takes care of other, or is the person that everyone leans on. i sometimes wish i could lean on someone, depend on someone.
though... i doubt i would be able to let myself depend on another. ive been let down so many times i don't think i could ever trust someone enough. kinda depressing.
anyways. so i wore the dress i made to the wedding! i thought it looked pretty good! i spilled stuff on it though, and then tried to fix it with that spill pen. satin + pen thing = even worse stain. don't ever do that! thankfully, it wasn't that noticeable when i was walking around.
Scott was being a jerk. to the point that others noticed. john commented on the fact that Scott kept wandering off and leaving me alone. and when he did come up to me it was to get me to hold his drink.
finally i just started getting mad. and so Sheila got pissy at me and decided to try and corner me and go hell bent shit face yell at me. never corner. not unless you want a bleeding nose.
yes all this happened when i was drunk. but so drunk that i didnt know what i was doing and what was going on.
sigh, hungry. im glad we have our folk fest tickets. im really looking forward to that this year.
gonna go have supper now.
went to a wedding on sat. was a amazing. the bride look beyond beautiful, and the groom looked so proud. and the speeches they made towards each other could have made me cry so easily! they were so sweet, and full of love. the groom promised to always be there for the bride and take care of her.
pretty much they had what i wanted. i want someone who can and will take care of me. im sometimes so tired of always being the person that takes care of other, or is the person that everyone leans on. i sometimes wish i could lean on someone, depend on someone.
though... i doubt i would be able to let myself depend on another. ive been let down so many times i don't think i could ever trust someone enough. kinda depressing.
anyways. so i wore the dress i made to the wedding! i thought it looked pretty good! i spilled stuff on it though, and then tried to fix it with that spill pen. satin + pen thing = even worse stain. don't ever do that! thankfully, it wasn't that noticeable when i was walking around.
Scott was being a jerk. to the point that others noticed. john commented on the fact that Scott kept wandering off and leaving me alone. and when he did come up to me it was to get me to hold his drink.
finally i just started getting mad. and so Sheila got pissy at me and decided to try and corner me and go hell bent shit face yell at me. never corner. not unless you want a bleeding nose.
yes all this happened when i was drunk. but so drunk that i didnt know what i was doing and what was going on.
sigh, hungry. im glad we have our folk fest tickets. im really looking forward to that this year.
gonna go have supper now.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
bloody battle!!!!
the epic battle of Ashley! vs Aphids!!!!
heres my battle plan:
Make a nontoxic pesticide by mixing 1 c. vegetable oil with 1 tbsp. liquid dish washing soap. Add 1 1/2 tsp. solution per cup of warm water to a hand held spray bottle.
and you do it weekly. we shall see how it rolls.
wish me luck!!!
heres my battle plan:
- spray tree down with cold spray water. set on stun!
- mix soap, water, and oil.
- spray on plant. ON KILL!!!
- wait.
- repeat.
- fail
- cry
Make a nontoxic pesticide by mixing 1 c. vegetable oil with 1 tbsp. liquid dish washing soap. Add 1 1/2 tsp. solution per cup of warm water to a hand held spray bottle.
and you do it weekly. we shall see how it rolls.
wish me luck!!!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
i can hear what you say but i just cant make a sound
so sat i went with molly to bike works. i was kinda disappointed. yeah , i know i get whiny, and that i have trouble working on my own, but please don't abandon me. i hate that. i really do. like molly said i need someone over my shoulder watching me, so that i know if im screwing up the person can point it out. i felt more like a pain, and kinda useless. in the end i think i screwed my bike up more then i fixed it. dad had to help me fix my brakes, and line them up again. he kept asking what the hell i did to it, and i told him that i didn't really know. then i told him i tried to true my wheel. he wasn't happy, he told me to NEVER touch that again. i knew i was screwing it up! like i said, more worse then good. i don't know if i really want to go back. well, i think i would want to go back, but with my dad, so he can help and make sure i don't fuck up. i hated it there. i felt so useless.
and i know that this will sound funny, but i want to find a spare tire and play with the spokes. i kinda wanna learn how to true my own wheel, even though i screwed the one on my bike. perhaps another day.
Sunday i spent in the garden, weeding, digging up roses and such. now that i have the roses out dad was commenting on how some tomatoes would be nice. ha! but i thought you didn't want to plant a garden!!! he can plant his tomatoes, as long as i have room for my pumpkins. so there!
the yard is starting to look really good! well, except for the dead spots in the grass because of Titus. i swear that dog pisses battery acid! ACID!!! everything he pees on dies.
prior to scott moving in his sister, Wendy, used to be the old tenant.
yesterday i cleaned up a bit of Scott's place. i totally scrubbed the bathroom! the place was nasty. i scrubbed the shower, which i swear hasn't been washed since Scott left. the grime was nasty. i just hopped in with only my unders on just started scrubbing. though Scott and I figure there is a leak, water started to seep out from under the shower. yet the last time i ran water in there nothing happened. hopefully Scott did take a shower downstairs like i asked so we can see whats going on.
i then cleaned the toilet again. it seems to get so gunky in less then a week, stuff just starts forming and collecting! i think its their water, because it has never gummed up that bad at our place in such a short amount of time.
you can also tell that the toilet hasn't been used in a a while, and hasn't been cleaned in even a longer time. when i use the scrub brush (which was sitting in toilet water and mouse poop) tons of mold started to come off ever time you flush. Scott found it odd, i figure its just loosening up and finally falling off. ick.
then i got around to cleaning under the bathroom and kitchen sink. oh god. there was mouse shit from one side to another. pretty much i threw everything out, and gave the rest a ammonia bath. now, im not one for using ammonia and bleach, i cant stand the smell, and i just dont think its good for you. but i draw the line at mouse turds. it was ammonia city that day. and the garbage! the amount of crap under the sink! like used toothbrushes, plastic bags, shredded rags, empty moldy jars, and tons more. 4, 4! bottles of carpet cleaner in a house that has only one room and a stairway that has carpet! more dishwasher solution then you can shake a stick at! and there isnt even a dishwasher down there! so i cleaned it all out threw most of it out.
so the sinks have no drain. we have to put buckets under there and let it drain into that so we can do dishes. why? because someone decided to let everything go down the drain and top it off with fish tank rocks. Wendy. so its not clogged solid, and has been sitting because Wendy didn't try to fix it.
finally i cleaned out the fridge from all the rotting food, that time i almost gagged and had to run outside. so sick! i found dead bugs in there too. i really have to clean it out fully!
so in the end i got quite a bit done, but i really wish Sheila would just go through her stuff, and not bitch how the kids never do even though she asks them. if they say just throw it out then toss it! dont just leave it and keep asking them to do it!
i think the next time im over we will go though the shoes in the door way and throw the rest into good will. because christ they have enough.
i also used some of the decorations i found on a barred kitchen table. Sheila kept asking me where they came from and i told her on the kitchen table. which she would keep asking, "what table?" if there is so much crap on the table that you cannot see the table or do not know there is a table we need to start throwing it out!
and all day today ive been throwing up. i think its because of cleaning Scotts place and trying to get rid of all the mouse poop. Wendy said to maybe leave some of the mouse poison out. but i feel bad poisoning them. i wish you could just rent a humane mouse trap and just let them go outside. even if a cat kills them i feel a bit better because they have a fighting chance.
i think im going to go lay down. i feel like shit.
and i know that this will sound funny, but i want to find a spare tire and play with the spokes. i kinda wanna learn how to true my own wheel, even though i screwed the one on my bike. perhaps another day.
Sunday i spent in the garden, weeding, digging up roses and such. now that i have the roses out dad was commenting on how some tomatoes would be nice. ha! but i thought you didn't want to plant a garden!!! he can plant his tomatoes, as long as i have room for my pumpkins. so there!
the yard is starting to look really good! well, except for the dead spots in the grass because of Titus. i swear that dog pisses battery acid! ACID!!! everything he pees on dies.
prior to scott moving in his sister, Wendy, used to be the old tenant.
yesterday i cleaned up a bit of Scott's place. i totally scrubbed the bathroom! the place was nasty. i scrubbed the shower, which i swear hasn't been washed since Scott left. the grime was nasty. i just hopped in with only my unders on just started scrubbing. though Scott and I figure there is a leak, water started to seep out from under the shower. yet the last time i ran water in there nothing happened. hopefully Scott did take a shower downstairs like i asked so we can see whats going on.
i then cleaned the toilet again. it seems to get so gunky in less then a week, stuff just starts forming and collecting! i think its their water, because it has never gummed up that bad at our place in such a short amount of time.
you can also tell that the toilet hasn't been used in a a while, and hasn't been cleaned in even a longer time. when i use the scrub brush (which was sitting in toilet water and mouse poop) tons of mold started to come off ever time you flush. Scott found it odd, i figure its just loosening up and finally falling off. ick.
then i got around to cleaning under the bathroom and kitchen sink. oh god. there was mouse shit from one side to another. pretty much i threw everything out, and gave the rest a ammonia bath. now, im not one for using ammonia and bleach, i cant stand the smell, and i just dont think its good for you. but i draw the line at mouse turds. it was ammonia city that day. and the garbage! the amount of crap under the sink! like used toothbrushes, plastic bags, shredded rags, empty moldy jars, and tons more. 4, 4! bottles of carpet cleaner in a house that has only one room and a stairway that has carpet! more dishwasher solution then you can shake a stick at! and there isnt even a dishwasher down there! so i cleaned it all out threw most of it out.
so the sinks have no drain. we have to put buckets under there and let it drain into that so we can do dishes. why? because someone decided to let everything go down the drain and top it off with fish tank rocks. Wendy. so its not clogged solid, and has been sitting because Wendy didn't try to fix it.
finally i cleaned out the fridge from all the rotting food, that time i almost gagged and had to run outside. so sick! i found dead bugs in there too. i really have to clean it out fully!
so in the end i got quite a bit done, but i really wish Sheila would just go through her stuff, and not bitch how the kids never do even though she asks them. if they say just throw it out then toss it! dont just leave it and keep asking them to do it!
i think the next time im over we will go though the shoes in the door way and throw the rest into good will. because christ they have enough.
i also used some of the decorations i found on a barred kitchen table. Sheila kept asking me where they came from and i told her on the kitchen table. which she would keep asking, "what table?" if there is so much crap on the table that you cannot see the table or do not know there is a table we need to start throwing it out!
and all day today ive been throwing up. i think its because of cleaning Scotts place and trying to get rid of all the mouse poop. Wendy said to maybe leave some of the mouse poison out. but i feel bad poisoning them. i wish you could just rent a humane mouse trap and just let them go outside. even if a cat kills them i feel a bit better because they have a fighting chance.
i think im going to go lay down. i feel like shit.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Where did you go? i miss you so.... seems like its been forever that you've been gone.
ugh, i hate that time of the month! my ovaries try to chew their way through my pelvis is swear!
then of course theres the lack of energy, bloated feeling, and never ending fear of leakage; resulting in spots.
but god forbid we forget the never ending emotional roller coaster! because you know i do love feeling wonderful one second then bawling because my shoes keep coming untied. its like every little emotion is magnified 20x. its times like this i wanna curl in to a ball with a pillow and a blanket, listen to sad songs while eating chocolate till this all blows over. oh dear god, throw in sailor moon marathon and im in heaven. honestly i am....
so i was in fashion and a lady came in to do laundry from the other class. shes walked over to see what my and teacher were doing, and started talking to my teacher. suddenly she looks at me and comments loudly thta i have beautiful hair. then her and my teacher went on to cluck like hens over how great my dress is and how great i am. all i could do is stand there and look like a deer caught in the headlights, blushing beat red. i don't know what it is, but when people do that i don't know how to react, i just freeze up and say nothing. and the times i do say something i stutter. but all i can think, is that i could have done better, this other person did a better job then me, its not that impressive. i dont know... i just find it weird.
god im tired. i could just drop to sleep. i look forward to bed right now. i have no energy.
ugh, i should get on my bike and get those groceries we need. on the plus side ive lost 10 pounds due to all the biking. but the way im going im going to gain it all back.
then of course theres the lack of energy, bloated feeling, and never ending fear of leakage; resulting in spots.
but god forbid we forget the never ending emotional roller coaster! because you know i do love feeling wonderful one second then bawling because my shoes keep coming untied. its like every little emotion is magnified 20x. its times like this i wanna curl in to a ball with a pillow and a blanket, listen to sad songs while eating chocolate till this all blows over. oh dear god, throw in sailor moon marathon and im in heaven. honestly i am....
so i was in fashion and a lady came in to do laundry from the other class. shes walked over to see what my and teacher were doing, and started talking to my teacher. suddenly she looks at me and comments loudly thta i have beautiful hair. then her and my teacher went on to cluck like hens over how great my dress is and how great i am. all i could do is stand there and look like a deer caught in the headlights, blushing beat red. i don't know what it is, but when people do that i don't know how to react, i just freeze up and say nothing. and the times i do say something i stutter. but all i can think, is that i could have done better, this other person did a better job then me, its not that impressive. i dont know... i just find it weird.
god im tired. i could just drop to sleep. i look forward to bed right now. i have no energy.
ugh, i should get on my bike and get those groceries we need. on the plus side ive lost 10 pounds due to all the biking. but the way im going im going to gain it all back.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Apple bottom jeans? boots with fur?
the people at KFC are such sweet hearts! I'm going to miss them so much! they gave me "leaving" gifts! i totally didn't expect that! i would have never guessed that they would buy me a gift.
am i really that nice of a person? do i really effect people that strongly? i never thought of myself as a person who really effects people. i always thought of myself as the type of girl people easily look over and/or forget. perhaps not.
so as for gifts, i got some really yummy smelling soap and lotion, a delish candle, a Loofah that gold and purple, CANDY! and best of all! Sponge animal stickers! I'm 4 years old! i got all of these from Louise, who really surprised me, because i very rarely worked with her, and when i did it was only for like an hour. and even more so, none of this was cheap stuff! like most of this kind of stuff is like really costly! like $20 min.
the second gift was a garden turtle that has solar panels on it, so that when the sun goes down the turtles shell glows. its so cool! I'm going to put it in my garden. I'm so in love with it! Hazel got that for me.
i thought it was funny that all of the gifts i got were ones that i really liked. like usually, for some reason, people ALWAYS get me vanilla smelling shit. i honestly would rather chew off all my limbs, then roll in salt then have to bathe in that stuff. yet people keep buying me that horrid shit. this time though they finally got me some really nice cranberry stuff! i really liked it!
i also worked on my garden for a bunch of hours. i got the top of it all worked up and loose, dug out last years crappy plants, pulled out all of the weed/grass, and filled some pots with dirt so that its all almost ready to plant stuff in. all i have to do is wait for dad to help me dig up the compost and mix it in with the soil. by next week i can get everything into the ground :D I'm excited! I'm going to try and go, chemical free garden. meaning no weed killer, no store bought fertilizer, and high pressure water to kill the bugs. least the ones with the soft bodies. if i can afford it I'm going t0 try and get some copper wire to surround the garden and put disks of beer out to get rid of the slugs. they are not bad in the spring and early summer, but towards the end they get every where and eat everything. very annoying. this is of course all in theory.
wish me luck!
am i really that nice of a person? do i really effect people that strongly? i never thought of myself as a person who really effects people. i always thought of myself as the type of girl people easily look over and/or forget. perhaps not.
so as for gifts, i got some really yummy smelling soap and lotion, a delish candle, a Loofah that gold and purple, CANDY! and best of all! Sponge animal stickers! I'm 4 years old! i got all of these from Louise, who really surprised me, because i very rarely worked with her, and when i did it was only for like an hour. and even more so, none of this was cheap stuff! like most of this kind of stuff is like really costly! like $20 min.
the second gift was a garden turtle that has solar panels on it, so that when the sun goes down the turtles shell glows. its so cool! I'm going to put it in my garden. I'm so in love with it! Hazel got that for me.
i thought it was funny that all of the gifts i got were ones that i really liked. like usually, for some reason, people ALWAYS get me vanilla smelling shit. i honestly would rather chew off all my limbs, then roll in salt then have to bathe in that stuff. yet people keep buying me that horrid shit. this time though they finally got me some really nice cranberry stuff! i really liked it!
i also worked on my garden for a bunch of hours. i got the top of it all worked up and loose, dug out last years crappy plants, pulled out all of the weed/grass, and filled some pots with dirt so that its all almost ready to plant stuff in. all i have to do is wait for dad to help me dig up the compost and mix it in with the soil. by next week i can get everything into the ground :D I'm excited! I'm going to try and go, chemical free garden. meaning no weed killer, no store bought fertilizer, and high pressure water to kill the bugs. least the ones with the soft bodies. if i can afford it I'm going t0 try and get some copper wire to surround the garden and put disks of beer out to get rid of the slugs. they are not bad in the spring and early summer, but towards the end they get every where and eat everything. very annoying. this is of course all in theory.
wish me luck!
Thursday, May 08, 2008
I cant wait to see you again!
so i biked to Scott's parents place. never again! not unless we all move to freaking Saskatchewan! too many bloody hills! hills=evil. which also = pain filled legs. like i swear the hills were having sex and reproducing just to piss me off and have to climb more of them! grumble grumble.
i had to bike to my doctors appointment and i swore i was going to die. my legs were killing me. i have never in my life had them that sore. EVER! and of course it had to be a pap smear. so not only do i get a sore inside but a sore outside. then for chuckles he says he has to check for swelling of my ovaries and uterus, so he leans on them! he was trying to pop one! i swear! i just wanted to go home.
stopped at romantic notions and got more shaving gel, and the said they would do a free fitting for a bra. so i just have to make an appointment. then they gave me water! i was so happy because i was dead thirsty! then i hung out with john.
it was cool because we ate pizza and caught up. i didn't know how much i missed john till then. and he drove me to Wal-mart, Rona, and Home Depo to try and find gardening stuff. you know what you cannot find anymore, freaking starter seed pots. like all i wanted was just small thing to start my seeds in. uber gay. finally me and john just asked one of the ladies of we could have their old ones and use them. they said yes and i got some pots. get to finally seed now! yay!
now all i have to do is finish my homework, then i can spend the rest of my night seeding.
Kayla's here. gotta go finish my dress. cya!
i had to bike to my doctors appointment and i swore i was going to die. my legs were killing me. i have never in my life had them that sore. EVER! and of course it had to be a pap smear. so not only do i get a sore inside but a sore outside. then for chuckles he says he has to check for swelling of my ovaries and uterus, so he leans on them! he was trying to pop one! i swear! i just wanted to go home.
stopped at romantic notions and got more shaving gel, and the said they would do a free fitting for a bra. so i just have to make an appointment. then they gave me water! i was so happy because i was dead thirsty! then i hung out with john.
it was cool because we ate pizza and caught up. i didn't know how much i missed john till then. and he drove me to Wal-mart, Rona, and Home Depo to try and find gardening stuff. you know what you cannot find anymore, freaking starter seed pots. like all i wanted was just small thing to start my seeds in. uber gay. finally me and john just asked one of the ladies of we could have their old ones and use them. they said yes and i got some pots. get to finally seed now! yay!
now all i have to do is finish my homework, then i can spend the rest of my night seeding.
Kayla's here. gotta go finish my dress. cya!
Monday, May 05, 2008
The anti depressent paxel causes suicide.
my plan for today is to make a new play list for my mp3 player. then I'm hoping on graphing out the garden, measuring it all out, and figuring out where i can put things.
then, hopefully! i can bike to the library, and do some research. if i had my bike all hooked up with the carrying thing, id try and get some pots and supplies. but alas dad doesn't have a fire under his butt to attach it for me.
then i might bike to dads shop to collect that sand paper, because honestly i just don't trust him to remember.
I'm still exhausted. I'm going to burn out really quick here. i can already feel it coming up. oh well, when i burn, i burn...
speaking of lighting a fire i guess i should stop farting around over here and get my ass outside with paper, pencil, and measuring tape, and get er done!
cya!
then, hopefully! i can bike to the library, and do some research. if i had my bike all hooked up with the carrying thing, id try and get some pots and supplies. but alas dad doesn't have a fire under his butt to attach it for me.
then i might bike to dads shop to collect that sand paper, because honestly i just don't trust him to remember.
I'm still exhausted. I'm going to burn out really quick here. i can already feel it coming up. oh well, when i burn, i burn...
speaking of lighting a fire i guess i should stop farting around over here and get my ass outside with paper, pencil, and measuring tape, and get er done!
cya!
Oh yes. She did.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Don't Bother Me, I'm Wasting My Potential
heres my new bikey project. im using blogger as a sort of updater. for those who are interested, the link is http://wastingmypotential.blogspot.com/
you can also get to the blogg by the link bar at the side of this blogg.
you can also get to the blogg by the link bar at the side of this blogg.
We came baring gifts and went away with knives and shoes.
i swear my body and my brain are no longer attached. its like my mind has given the body a day off and all i can do is stand back and watch this pathetic play run through. pity i have no pop corn.
though on a positive note, im usually the most creative during this time. i could vomit beauty without having to destroy anything. ive kinda made that my theory, i have to kill something to make something beautiful. because honestly, look at any artist, the most amazing work comes from those who suffer and create some kind of destruction, either through them self like Picasso and his eyes, or through something else like those who destroy a TV and use the parts to create something.
i want to get the juno CD and just wallow in the music, i find the tunes so sweet. even if they are a little honkey.
ugh i hate how nosy my mom is. no matter what im doing she insists on asking what im doing. and insists on reading or knowing who im talking to. like the journal right now that im typing. she wants me to read it out to her as i type this. er, no? dumb ass.
so i saw iron man. its actually pretty good. at first i was a lil iffy about it. but it was actually pretty good! not too bad character development, him going from selfish, womanizing, ass-hat, to super cool, wanna protect kinda guy. Mrs. Pepper was, okay.... a lil wimpy, but thats the usual marvel princess. Mary Jane was no better, if not worse.
we actually had a conversation on how we don't care for spiderman because hes such a wimpy guy. I made the comment that its because they tried to make spiderman a more realistic superhero who has a conflicting superhero personality and normal one that always clash. unlike superman and Clark Kent.
im so tired. i should do some homework. get that all done because im fuged if i dont have aout 1/2 of it done for tomorrow. ill try. but at the same time i want to peel those stickers and sand all that rust off my dads old bike and create something on it. be fun i think. maybe dad will let me. i need to create something. i wish i could find my charger, which i think is at scotts place. even though he said its not. but like my CDs, cell charger, and bunch of other stuff. im pretty sure it is. i have no clue where else it would be. sigh.... he can be so stubborn about it too. i just want to shake him and be like "clean up your shit and you will probably find it!!!" double sigh.
i think im going to try and convince my dad that i can paint his bike. we shall see...
though on a positive note, im usually the most creative during this time. i could vomit beauty without having to destroy anything. ive kinda made that my theory, i have to kill something to make something beautiful. because honestly, look at any artist, the most amazing work comes from those who suffer and create some kind of destruction, either through them self like Picasso and his eyes, or through something else like those who destroy a TV and use the parts to create something.
i want to get the juno CD and just wallow in the music, i find the tunes so sweet. even if they are a little honkey.
ugh i hate how nosy my mom is. no matter what im doing she insists on asking what im doing. and insists on reading or knowing who im talking to. like the journal right now that im typing. she wants me to read it out to her as i type this. er, no? dumb ass.
so i saw iron man. its actually pretty good. at first i was a lil iffy about it. but it was actually pretty good! not too bad character development, him going from selfish, womanizing, ass-hat, to super cool, wanna protect kinda guy. Mrs. Pepper was, okay.... a lil wimpy, but thats the usual marvel princess. Mary Jane was no better, if not worse.
we actually had a conversation on how we don't care for spiderman because hes such a wimpy guy. I made the comment that its because they tried to make spiderman a more realistic superhero who has a conflicting superhero personality and normal one that always clash. unlike superman and Clark Kent.
im so tired. i should do some homework. get that all done because im fuged if i dont have aout 1/2 of it done for tomorrow. ill try. but at the same time i want to peel those stickers and sand all that rust off my dads old bike and create something on it. be fun i think. maybe dad will let me. i need to create something. i wish i could find my charger, which i think is at scotts place. even though he said its not. but like my CDs, cell charger, and bunch of other stuff. im pretty sure it is. i have no clue where else it would be. sigh.... he can be so stubborn about it too. i just want to shake him and be like "clean up your shit and you will probably find it!!!" double sigh.
i think im going to try and convince my dad that i can paint his bike. we shall see...
Monday, April 28, 2008
Elmo ran over my dog and knocked up my grandma.
yesterday molly said something i found really odd. she said that i was amazing because I'm able to get over obstacles. isn't that the reason we have obstacles? so we can get over them? i just found it odd. ive always been like that in a way. because to me the answer is obvious, either find a way to defeat it, or fail. you can expect the problem to solve itself.
well i was talking to a lady i know on msn (scotts mom to be exact) and everything she said was negative. all she did was complain about everything. how she cant lift heavy things, how she has too much stuff, and how she always seems in a rut. and all i could think was "well have you tried to start off small?" like yeah when i care shit i take way more then what i can handle. but the reason why i do that is i enjoy having the knowledge that i can achieve better then whats expected (even if it does make my body cry, poor bod) but at the same time i also know my limits.
so why cant she just do what she knows she can do? like can she not see tree from the forest? start with the one tree and soon you will have that spot of land cleared.
shes just one of those people that doesnt like her lot in life and doesnt want to do anything and change it. its like they are content living in their own self pity.
i can never imagine myself doing that really. yeah i get down but then i remember that only i can change and shape it.
still though, it frustrates me when they do this. because i try and explain to them that its them that needs to step up and change things, and yet its like they are so caught up in themselves that its like talking to a dead parrot. makes me wanna shake them! like a baby!!!
and like honestly. dont tell me this shit if you dont want to try and change things, and this bs that you "Can't, just can't!" stuff it. you can, you just need to light that fire under your rump
ugh, gotta go to school now. and stupid itunes wont quit, duh i wanna quit otherwise i wouldnt have hit the quit button! grrr. gots to go!
well i was talking to a lady i know on msn (scotts mom to be exact) and everything she said was negative. all she did was complain about everything. how she cant lift heavy things, how she has too much stuff, and how she always seems in a rut. and all i could think was "well have you tried to start off small?" like yeah when i care shit i take way more then what i can handle. but the reason why i do that is i enjoy having the knowledge that i can achieve better then whats expected (even if it does make my body cry, poor bod) but at the same time i also know my limits.
so why cant she just do what she knows she can do? like can she not see tree from the forest? start with the one tree and soon you will have that spot of land cleared.
shes just one of those people that doesnt like her lot in life and doesnt want to do anything and change it. its like they are content living in their own self pity.
i can never imagine myself doing that really. yeah i get down but then i remember that only i can change and shape it.
still though, it frustrates me when they do this. because i try and explain to them that its them that needs to step up and change things, and yet its like they are so caught up in themselves that its like talking to a dead parrot. makes me wanna shake them! like a baby!!!
and like honestly. dont tell me this shit if you dont want to try and change things, and this bs that you "Can't, just can't!" stuff it. you can, you just need to light that fire under your rump
ugh, gotta go to school now. and stupid itunes wont quit, duh i wanna quit otherwise i wouldnt have hit the quit button! grrr. gots to go!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Who the Fuck is Alice?!
Oh, I don't know why she's leaving,
Or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons,
But I just don't want to know,
'Cos for twenty-four years
I've been living next door to Alice.
Alice, who the fuck is Alice
Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance,
To tell her how I'm feeling, maybe get a second glance,
Now I've got to get used to not living next door to Alice...
Alice, who the fuck is Alice
i love that song. its by Smokie if anyone cares.
i have been so bummed out. i could have just bawled yesterday. i don't know why.... cabin fever? i just want sunshine. the sun did come out for a tiny bit when i was walking home from school. i stopped and tried to soak in the rays, it felt so good. then suddenly the wind picked up suddenly and whipped onto my face. it was like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. a little shocking.
not much to report other then im really bummed out. haven't really talked to anyone so its kinda annoying.
i was sorta thinking back about my weekend at paul and mollys. when i went to one of the girls birthday parties i met both mothers of the kids. its a lesbian couple who have adopted twins, one is a healthy boy while the other one is a poor sickly girl. and it made me sad. you can see how much the couple love the kids and how much the kids love their moms. but why is it that people figure they shouldn't be together? there's love there! do you want these kids never to experience's love? yeah its not a ma and pa relationship, but honestly shouldnt the heart be what makes a home? or family? it just really rubs me when people say that they are okay with gay couples but think that they should never have children. and when they are asked why, their response is because it will screw up the kids. well im sorry but if a so called normal couple can make a fucked up kid why cant a gay family make a normal kid? "oh but the kids will turn out gay!" er? dont heterosexual parents sometimes raise gay children? its up to the kid! not the parent! the kid should be allowed to have a choice!
ugh. i think im going to go and play sims 2.
a really sweet song is:
download it! or at least find it and play it once!
Or where she's gonna go,
I guess she's got her reasons,
But I just don't want to know,
'Cos for twenty-four years
I've been living next door to Alice.
Alice, who the fuck is Alice
Twenty-four years just waiting for a chance,
To tell her how I'm feeling, maybe get a second glance,
Now I've got to get used to not living next door to Alice...
Alice, who the fuck is Alice
i love that song. its by Smokie if anyone cares.
i have been so bummed out. i could have just bawled yesterday. i don't know why.... cabin fever? i just want sunshine. the sun did come out for a tiny bit when i was walking home from school. i stopped and tried to soak in the rays, it felt so good. then suddenly the wind picked up suddenly and whipped onto my face. it was like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. a little shocking.
not much to report other then im really bummed out. haven't really talked to anyone so its kinda annoying.
i was sorta thinking back about my weekend at paul and mollys. when i went to one of the girls birthday parties i met both mothers of the kids. its a lesbian couple who have adopted twins, one is a healthy boy while the other one is a poor sickly girl. and it made me sad. you can see how much the couple love the kids and how much the kids love their moms. but why is it that people figure they shouldn't be together? there's love there! do you want these kids never to experience's love? yeah its not a ma and pa relationship, but honestly shouldnt the heart be what makes a home? or family? it just really rubs me when people say that they are okay with gay couples but think that they should never have children. and when they are asked why, their response is because it will screw up the kids. well im sorry but if a so called normal couple can make a fucked up kid why cant a gay family make a normal kid? "oh but the kids will turn out gay!" er? dont heterosexual parents sometimes raise gay children? its up to the kid! not the parent! the kid should be allowed to have a choice!
ugh. i think im going to go and play sims 2.
a really sweet song is:
Barry Louis Polisar - All I Want Is You
download it! or at least find it and play it once!
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Blogging, about blogs.
K. D. Lang - Hallelujah
I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
You don't really care for music, do ya?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Baby iv'e been here before,
Iv'e seen this room and ive walked the floor,
I used to live alone before i knew ya
But ive seen your flag on the marble arch,
Our love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and its a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above,
But all iv'e ever learnt from love,
Is how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya,
It's not a cry that u hear at night,
It's not someone whos seen the light,
It's a cold and broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah
a new song i fell in love with. i don't know why. its just so smooth, i sway back and forth because of it. i fancy it quite well.
you know what i don't understand? and Ive digested this little thought over and over again (mostly in the shower oddly enough)
you make journals to keep and collect private thoughts. thoughts you wish to keep from others,
bloggs are journals. bloggs are journals created on the Internet that can be viewed by the masses. they too can contain your own thoughts and opinions much like normal journals.
so really bloggs are just an oxymoron, they are a public journal for your private thoughts. and people can/will get offended by your thoughts.
honestly if you look at this as an actual journal point of view, why are you getting mad at a person for writing down what they are thing of at that very moment? specially if its person and supposedly private.
just a thought. I'm going to finish my tea and go pee. cya!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Playing bum darts is gay,
okay.... now I'm ticked. i just started to type out a blog, when WHAM! Firefox crashes and burns. how i loath computers!
so I'm trying to play some videos Ive had on my computer for a long time and guess what? my computer is, as usually, insistent on being the flaming douche bag that it is so well know to be. YET! i downloaded some music videos and THEY play. like i said, hell bent douche.
and of course my moms riding my ass like a freaking rodeo clown, saying that WE need to clean up this pig pen. and by we, it translates to you. so in reality she is saying "Ashley YOU need to clean up the house because its dirty. Me, being the useless tit that i insist on being, shall flop on my queen size bed like the beach whale that i am, and wait for the day that my beluga brothern will come and sat me free!" we can only hope that if the beluga whales do come, they bring a crane, because i doubt that my mom will be able to haul her massive ass into the ocean "free willy" style. then again, if we leave a trail of snicker bars and corn chips into the ocean, perhaps she can find her own way home. do i hear green peace coming this way.
as for Lee. i don't care if hes autistic. really i don't any more. hes my brother and I'm going to insist on treating him like a bloody normal kid! if he come screaming, and i mean screaming! into the room shouting out a power ranger slogan one more time i will have no problem with frying his computer with windex and windshield washer fluid!
now this only applies to when I'm sleeping of course. just because beluga the freaking whale
and the wanna be Pink Ranger are able to sleep any time they wish, with no worries about money or any of that minor stuff doesn't mean some OTHER people cant! I'm sorry but i cant live on less then 7 hours of sleep. i crash and burn like a NASA ship coming back to earth.
and of course my moms usually line "i have no privacy!" er? wha? fucking back that bull shit train up a sec! you have WHAT?! I'm sorry! how selfish of me! dad and me have no actual room, i share with lee while dad sleeps in the living room. i have a corner (which you so lovingly bitch about ever chance you get!) and a mattress! while you have the biggest room in the house (it matches ur ass) but i guess that's invading on your privacy! well then LEE! DAD! pack up your fucking crap so bitch whore can her the house to her fatty self!
like fuck all of you! the only person who gets even the option of bitching is dad! he at least puts food on the table and a bloody house over out freaking heads! i have school and work!
and you guys constantly bitch that i take up so much space and that i have my shit everywhere! yet when i say that ill move out its all "no! don't move out! it will be to hard! you cant work AND go to school!" well lets see, physical exhaustion and abuse, or mental exhaustion and abuse! i have no fucking clue what you ass fuckers want from me!!!!! you want me to run the whole show!
"bathroom isn't done yet!" looks at me
"basement isn't cleaned up yet!" looks at me
"the yard looks like shit!" looks at me
"there is nothing for dinner!" looks at me
does any one else see a fucking trend here? I'm sorry I'm not fucking god! i cant clean, fix up the yard, renovate the house, AND make dinner all at once! if i could do you think we would still be in this dump hose?! hell no i would have cured cancer and make some great thing that everyone needs and become a freaking billionaire!
and why do you want me to get my drivers? so you don't have to drive me everywhere? honestly, do i really beg for a ride that often? i bloody cant because i FREAKING WORK! hard to be driven everywhere when i have to be at one place the whole time.
you people probably want me to get my drivers so i can be YOUR fucking go to girl! how many times have i heard "i wish you could drive so you could "insert some demand here" hell i could give you examples "take lee here, take me here, get me smokes, pick this up for me, get this for us...." tra ladie da da dA!
and if my mom asks me one more stupid fucking question Ive told her the answer to one more time i WILL shove the sewing machine down her fat fucking ugly throat!
this whole family makes me so angry and frustrated! i just want to be left alone for one fucking DAY! ONE DAY! not have fucking 20 question game played with me every time i enter the fucking room! just have my own space! i want an actual day off! where i don't have school! don't have to meet the demands of others! EVERY DAY that i EVER get off i have to try and stuff FULL of shit that every ones wants me to do! leave me alone! i want to VEG! i want to spend a day doing nothing and not be ridiculed for it! ONE DAY!
i want to scream! i want to cry! i want to hurt something! i want to break stuff! i want to disappoint someone! i want to have a tantrum! i want to be selfish! i want to be free! why am i not allowed to have this stuff?!
this has been building up. Ive just finally had enough. Ive been putting this journal off for a long time because I'm sick of always writing out bad thing! i wish i had my bike back....
so I'm trying to play some videos Ive had on my computer for a long time and guess what? my computer is, as usually, insistent on being the flaming douche bag that it is so well know to be. YET! i downloaded some music videos and THEY play. like i said, hell bent douche.
and of course my moms riding my ass like a freaking rodeo clown, saying that WE need to clean up this pig pen. and by we, it translates to you. so in reality she is saying "Ashley YOU need to clean up the house because its dirty. Me, being the useless tit that i insist on being, shall flop on my queen size bed like the beach whale that i am, and wait for the day that my beluga brothern will come and sat me free!" we can only hope that if the beluga whales do come, they bring a crane, because i doubt that my mom will be able to haul her massive ass into the ocean "free willy" style. then again, if we leave a trail of snicker bars and corn chips into the ocean, perhaps she can find her own way home. do i hear green peace coming this way.
as for Lee. i don't care if hes autistic. really i don't any more. hes my brother and I'm going to insist on treating him like a bloody normal kid! if he come screaming, and i mean screaming! into the room shouting out a power ranger slogan one more time i will have no problem with frying his computer with windex and windshield washer fluid!
now this only applies to when I'm sleeping of course. just because beluga the freaking whale
and the wanna be Pink Ranger are able to sleep any time they wish, with no worries about money or any of that minor stuff doesn't mean some OTHER people cant! I'm sorry but i cant live on less then 7 hours of sleep. i crash and burn like a NASA ship coming back to earth.
and of course my moms usually line "i have no privacy!" er? wha? fucking back that bull shit train up a sec! you have WHAT?! I'm sorry! how selfish of me! dad and me have no actual room, i share with lee while dad sleeps in the living room. i have a corner (which you so lovingly bitch about ever chance you get!) and a mattress! while you have the biggest room in the house (it matches ur ass) but i guess that's invading on your privacy! well then LEE! DAD! pack up your fucking crap so bitch whore can her the house to her fatty self!
like fuck all of you! the only person who gets even the option of bitching is dad! he at least puts food on the table and a bloody house over out freaking heads! i have school and work!
and you guys constantly bitch that i take up so much space and that i have my shit everywhere! yet when i say that ill move out its all "no! don't move out! it will be to hard! you cant work AND go to school!" well lets see, physical exhaustion and abuse, or mental exhaustion and abuse! i have no fucking clue what you ass fuckers want from me!!!!! you want me to run the whole show!
"bathroom isn't done yet!" looks at me
"basement isn't cleaned up yet!" looks at me
"the yard looks like shit!" looks at me
"there is nothing for dinner!" looks at me
does any one else see a fucking trend here? I'm sorry I'm not fucking god! i cant clean, fix up the yard, renovate the house, AND make dinner all at once! if i could do you think we would still be in this dump hose?! hell no i would have cured cancer and make some great thing that everyone needs and become a freaking billionaire!
and why do you want me to get my drivers? so you don't have to drive me everywhere? honestly, do i really beg for a ride that often? i bloody cant because i FREAKING WORK! hard to be driven everywhere when i have to be at one place the whole time.
you people probably want me to get my drivers so i can be YOUR fucking go to girl! how many times have i heard "i wish you could drive so you could "insert some demand here" hell i could give you examples "take lee here, take me here, get me smokes, pick this up for me, get this for us...." tra ladie da da dA!
and if my mom asks me one more stupid fucking question Ive told her the answer to one more time i WILL shove the sewing machine down her fat fucking ugly throat!
this whole family makes me so angry and frustrated! i just want to be left alone for one fucking DAY! ONE DAY! not have fucking 20 question game played with me every time i enter the fucking room! just have my own space! i want an actual day off! where i don't have school! don't have to meet the demands of others! EVERY DAY that i EVER get off i have to try and stuff FULL of shit that every ones wants me to do! leave me alone! i want to VEG! i want to spend a day doing nothing and not be ridiculed for it! ONE DAY!
i want to scream! i want to cry! i want to hurt something! i want to break stuff! i want to disappoint someone! i want to have a tantrum! i want to be selfish! i want to be free! why am i not allowed to have this stuff?!
this has been building up. Ive just finally had enough. Ive been putting this journal off for a long time because I'm sick of always writing out bad thing! i wish i had my bike back....
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
The internet is for porn.
I dont know whether its the T3s or the fact lee is still awake and i want to go to bed. im going to rant more. today its about porn.
why oh why do "sexy just legal blonds" insist on sending me junk on how im the "one!" and how they "want to make slow smexy with me and my HUGE cock"??
like um, when did grow a penis? and why are you flattering it? and how the hell am i suppose to have sex with you? your in Asia (yes shes a just legal, blonde sexy Asian) heck! lets even put aside the fact im lacking in the weenie department.
should i go buy condoms? do they have ones for keyboards? my keyboard is pretty big, its my penis keyboard! kinda like a penis car, but instead a keyboard. im trying to make up for my lack of weenie.
should i drag my computer to a snazzy restaurant so i can woo you? or would you like me to just slam it up against some grungy bathroom stall in the south side of Edmonton?
tell me women! i need to know! and if i slip a 20 into the CD drive will you get it on your end?
im scared, i better think this through. because your asking a lot here. you will be taking away my virtual virginity. by the way we never really did talk about how this intercourse will happen.
oh great not im nervous. maybe my penis keyboard isn't big enough?! thats it im going to go talk to WankyMcWanker about my penis size!
hey WankyMcWanker! you said you can make my penis 10x bigger! hot damn tell me how!
really? wow! interesting! i just take those pills? you sure they work? but i don't want to stick it in there! that looks painful.
wait what? but first i need a penis?! will a keyboard do? no? pity.
Im sorry "just legal, blonde sexy Asian" i just don't think it will work. ill have to let you go, you virtual slut, perhaps another man with an ACTUAL penis can help you. or at least someone with a much large keyboard.
good bye!
so, yeah. stop sending me that shit. thanks!
why oh why do "sexy just legal blonds" insist on sending me junk on how im the "one!" and how they "want to make slow smexy with me and my HUGE cock"??
like um, when did grow a penis? and why are you flattering it? and how the hell am i suppose to have sex with you? your in Asia (yes shes a just legal, blonde sexy Asian) heck! lets even put aside the fact im lacking in the weenie department.
should i go buy condoms? do they have ones for keyboards? my keyboard is pretty big, its my penis keyboard! kinda like a penis car, but instead a keyboard. im trying to make up for my lack of weenie.
should i drag my computer to a snazzy restaurant so i can woo you? or would you like me to just slam it up against some grungy bathroom stall in the south side of Edmonton?
tell me women! i need to know! and if i slip a 20 into the CD drive will you get it on your end?
im scared, i better think this through. because your asking a lot here. you will be taking away my virtual virginity. by the way we never really did talk about how this intercourse will happen.
oh great not im nervous. maybe my penis keyboard isn't big enough?! thats it im going to go talk to WankyMcWanker about my penis size!
hey WankyMcWanker! you said you can make my penis 10x bigger! hot damn tell me how!
really? wow! interesting! i just take those pills? you sure they work? but i don't want to stick it in there! that looks painful.
wait what? but first i need a penis?! will a keyboard do? no? pity.
Im sorry "just legal, blonde sexy Asian" i just don't think it will work. ill have to let you go, you virtual slut, perhaps another man with an ACTUAL penis can help you. or at least someone with a much large keyboard.
good bye!
so, yeah. stop sending me that shit. thanks!
This Space for Rent
GAH!!!!!! FUCK!! STUPID PEICE OF MOTHER FUCKING SHIT THAT PUTS A NEW MEANING OF CUNT INTO THE TERM!!
Why, dear god WHY?! does she have to act like a infant?! like you bring ANYTHING into the house and she is instantly snooping through it, digging for something she can have. if you tell her no she has a tantrum like a 5 year old.
like all the food i bring into the house she just HAS to consume. and it wouldnt be so bad if it was like A cookie, but fuck no! has to be the whole fucking container of cookies and if she could she would eat the container too! she just snoops! and if im not home its free range! she just goes in and eats whatever is there, or uses whatever she wants.
and of course lee isn't any better. he stole ALL my pencils and crayons. i had nothing for school! i felt so stupid. i had to use a highlighter. they just take whatever they want. never ask. god forbid!
like i just want my own stuff! my own room! my own fucking bed!
like today i tried to snatch a few bits of extra sleep and when i crawled into bed i found dirt and crumbs all in my fucking sheets! i have barely been sleeping up there lately. and i NEVER eat up there (unless im super sick. and if im ever super sick i sleep in dads bed because if i have to make a run for the toilet its quicker.) so i know they are not mine.
like now they have it down to i own a desk. not even the chair because they keep jacking it.
i dont live here anymore! i just breath in the warm air in the house!
i just want my own square. just my little place i can call home, and put all my stuff. keep it secure. i could cry
dad of course doesnt care. whatever.
im going to do some homework and have a shower. my eye hurts.
Why, dear god WHY?! does she have to act like a infant?! like you bring ANYTHING into the house and she is instantly snooping through it, digging for something she can have. if you tell her no she has a tantrum like a 5 year old.
like all the food i bring into the house she just HAS to consume. and it wouldnt be so bad if it was like A cookie, but fuck no! has to be the whole fucking container of cookies and if she could she would eat the container too! she just snoops! and if im not home its free range! she just goes in and eats whatever is there, or uses whatever she wants.
and of course lee isn't any better. he stole ALL my pencils and crayons. i had nothing for school! i felt so stupid. i had to use a highlighter. they just take whatever they want. never ask. god forbid!
like i just want my own stuff! my own room! my own fucking bed!
like today i tried to snatch a few bits of extra sleep and when i crawled into bed i found dirt and crumbs all in my fucking sheets! i have barely been sleeping up there lately. and i NEVER eat up there (unless im super sick. and if im ever super sick i sleep in dads bed because if i have to make a run for the toilet its quicker.) so i know they are not mine.
like now they have it down to i own a desk. not even the chair because they keep jacking it.
i dont live here anymore! i just breath in the warm air in the house!
i just want my own square. just my little place i can call home, and put all my stuff. keep it secure. i could cry
dad of course doesnt care. whatever.
im going to do some homework and have a shower. my eye hurts.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Your all a blur. perhpas your not real.
i scratched my eye yesterday. and of course it has to be my good eye. so to make a long story short, unless its 2 inches away from my face your one really snazy looking blob of text.
with that being said, if you can understand what im typing it means i cant see the keyboard. damn watering eye.
so yesterday i went to the hospital because my eye was KILLING me. i couldnt sleep or anything. so we got there at 8pm, and i had the joy of sitting there till 1 in the morning. during this time i saw people come and go. and realized how HORRID our poor health care really is.
im not rasist (leat i dont really think i am) but a native guy came in an ambulance. he was wheeled in and i figure he was really hurt. NO! he just bugged and harrased everyone demanding smokes and lighters and insisted on trying to smoke inside. he was just being a jerk and taking up space.
all while this is happening a bunch of people come in, some looking super healthy (like chatting away and bouncing around) and some who looked like 10 years of hell.
a lady who had a nasty nose bleed, like she went through 2 boxes of kleenex all the tissues
coated in blood. and some poor young boy throwing up blood, looking paler then fresh snow. both sat there while other people (the bouncing ones) were taken in.
finally the young boy was vomiting LARGE amounts of blood and the mother rushed her kid over to the nurse and had a fit at them. finally they carried him away to one of the rooms.
the other nose lady was admited about an hour before i was (which was probably around midnight and she got there around 9ish maybe 10)
those i can see being helped before me, but the native that was hurrasing people and being a jerk should be shot with his own crap. he kept coming back into the waiting room demanding a lighter and when everyone said no, he would start swearing and calling us all names.
i finally got into a room about one and got the joy of sitting there waiting for the doctor. sadly though, the child who was throwing up blood was across the hall from me and i got to listen to him vomit the whole time. it broke my heart. the oldest the poor boy could have been was 10
children that young shouldnt be that sick! they should be able to run around and play. having fun! risking their little necks climbing whimpy trees and being kids. not throwing up blood, and being horribly scared. he was so brave. all i could hear was him wimpering, he was very calm.
i didnt start crying until he had to get IV. they tried many times, but couldnt get it. finally the last time, he cried out and begged them to stop. i cried with him too. i begged god to take care of him. i cried the whole time the poor child did. kids shouldnt beg for mercy. they should never be in such pain. finally the ambulance came and they took him to the U of A.
then it was quite. i watched through blurry eyes a lady clean up the room. wiping up the blood.
im not a very caring person, least in my mind. i can take death. older people dieing, even in horrible tragic way. movies with gobs of people being shot down and killed has not a blimp on me. yet if a child or animal is killed or hurt i die a little inside. innocents.
i pray that the poor boy is okay. i really do.
as for my stupid eye, its just badly scratched, and is swollen. ive got eye drops and T3s to get me through. and i caught a flu and havent been eating much. scotts car is broken in, its got a nice vomit make thats Ashley approved. he didnt care, and wanted to make sure i was 0kay. thats where hes sweet.
with that being said, if you can understand what im typing it means i cant see the keyboard. damn watering eye.
so yesterday i went to the hospital because my eye was KILLING me. i couldnt sleep or anything. so we got there at 8pm, and i had the joy of sitting there till 1 in the morning. during this time i saw people come and go. and realized how HORRID our poor health care really is.
im not rasist (leat i dont really think i am) but a native guy came in an ambulance. he was wheeled in and i figure he was really hurt. NO! he just bugged and harrased everyone demanding smokes and lighters and insisted on trying to smoke inside. he was just being a jerk and taking up space.
all while this is happening a bunch of people come in, some looking super healthy (like chatting away and bouncing around) and some who looked like 10 years of hell.
a lady who had a nasty nose bleed, like she went through 2 boxes of kleenex all the tissues
coated in blood. and some poor young boy throwing up blood, looking paler then fresh snow. both sat there while other people (the bouncing ones) were taken in.
finally the young boy was vomiting LARGE amounts of blood and the mother rushed her kid over to the nurse and had a fit at them. finally they carried him away to one of the rooms.
the other nose lady was admited about an hour before i was (which was probably around midnight and she got there around 9ish maybe 10)
those i can see being helped before me, but the native that was hurrasing people and being a jerk should be shot with his own crap. he kept coming back into the waiting room demanding a lighter and when everyone said no, he would start swearing and calling us all names.
i finally got into a room about one and got the joy of sitting there waiting for the doctor. sadly though, the child who was throwing up blood was across the hall from me and i got to listen to him vomit the whole time. it broke my heart. the oldest the poor boy could have been was 10
children that young shouldnt be that sick! they should be able to run around and play. having fun! risking their little necks climbing whimpy trees and being kids. not throwing up blood, and being horribly scared. he was so brave. all i could hear was him wimpering, he was very calm.
i didnt start crying until he had to get IV. they tried many times, but couldnt get it. finally the last time, he cried out and begged them to stop. i cried with him too. i begged god to take care of him. i cried the whole time the poor child did. kids shouldnt beg for mercy. they should never be in such pain. finally the ambulance came and they took him to the U of A.
then it was quite. i watched through blurry eyes a lady clean up the room. wiping up the blood.
im not a very caring person, least in my mind. i can take death. older people dieing, even in horrible tragic way. movies with gobs of people being shot down and killed has not a blimp on me. yet if a child or animal is killed or hurt i die a little inside. innocents.
i pray that the poor boy is okay. i really do.
as for my stupid eye, its just badly scratched, and is swollen. ive got eye drops and T3s to get me through. and i caught a flu and havent been eating much. scotts car is broken in, its got a nice vomit make thats Ashley approved. he didnt care, and wanted to make sure i was 0kay. thats where hes sweet.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Crime Scene:do not cross.
Ordinary conversation between friends.
im of course is Ashley.
Ashley- omfg!
Ashley- ive missed you sooo much
Muffin- jusfdgsdfgsdfhsd
Ashley- i did your mom last night, your sister too. but you see the thing is, your sisters pretty hot but your mom does this thing with her tounge. so yeah
Ashley- me and you mom are getting married. im your new daddy
Ashley- im bringing sexy back. uh! its located somewhere around my ass! UH!
Muffin- MMmmmmmm sexy ass
Ashley- ass like that
Muffin- I'd tap it
Ashley- i like big butts and i cannot lie, you mother fuckers cant deny!
Muffin- WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME
Ashley- i love you! sexually
Muffin- Stephen hawkings girlfriend is coming onto me
Ashley- her best pick up line was NEHEGETUGDVIKUWD
Muffin- Ashley omg
Ashley- i went there....
Ashley- oh yeah
Muffin- Mr.Hanna loves you!
Ashley- mr hanna can have cancer and be violently ass raped by a gang of bears as pepper spray is wedged up his penis and set to kill
Muffin- bear gang?
Ashley- bear gang bang
Muffin- shizzle to the nizzle!
Ashley- im gonna bonsai ur tree
Muffin- mmmmm. cant wait baby!
Muffin- lookit my gayass wink!
Ashley- k but let me finish my rice cake 1st
Ashley- k im ready
Muffin- crunk it up!
im of course is Ashley.
Ashley- omfg!
Ashley- ive missed you sooo much
Muffin- jusfdgsdfgsdfhsd
Ashley- i did your mom last night, your sister too. but you see the thing is, your sisters pretty hot but your mom does this thing with her tounge. so yeah
Ashley- me and you mom are getting married. im your new daddy
Ashley- im bringing sexy back. uh! its located somewhere around my ass! UH!
Muffin- MMmmmmmm sexy ass
Ashley- ass like that
Muffin- I'd tap it
Ashley- i like big butts and i cannot lie, you mother fuckers cant deny!
Muffin- WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME
Ashley- i love you! sexually
Muffin- Stephen hawkings girlfriend is coming onto me
Ashley- her best pick up line was NEHEGETUGDVIKUWD
Muffin- Ashley omg
Ashley- i went there....
Ashley- oh yeah
Muffin- Mr.Hanna loves you!
Ashley- mr hanna can have cancer and be violently ass raped by a gang of bears as pepper spray is wedged up his penis and set to kill
Muffin- bear gang?
Ashley- bear gang bang
Muffin- shizzle to the nizzle!
Ashley- im gonna bonsai ur tree
Muffin- mmmmm. cant wait baby!
Muffin- lookit my gayass wink!
Ashley- k but let me finish my rice cake 1st
Ashley- k im ready
Muffin- crunk it up!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Your Fucking Awesome!
I'm sitting here eating nacho cheese sauce with jalapeño peppers in it, and thinking 2 things.
in other news i love my dog. i really do, he makes me happy, and we have so much fun. i think when he passes away ill be very heart broken. worse or at least = to when my last dog passed away. mostly because I've been with him since he was pup. we snuggled on the floor, and when we would have showers together. lots of good memories. i really do love him. <3 I've also been having really vivid dreams. the day before i got my 1st pedicure, and that night i dreamt i was sitting at my desk and i accidentally broke something glass. for some reason i got the feeling it was a light bulb. and as i got up to get the broom, i got a bunch of glass in my foot. i picked most of it out, and there was a little bit of blood on each piece. but then in my heal was like this huge hunk, it was curved and was sunken in 1/2 way into my heal. i started to pull it out and i noticed that if i did it would bleed heavily and i should probably get stitches. so i tell this to my mom and that i need her to help me get to the hospital. she says "no way I'm going over there! i don't want to get any glass in my feet!" so i yell at her to sweep up the glass then. she tells me "i don't want to, I'm tired I'm going to go take a nap." and then walks away. and so I'm sitting there with this huge chunk of glass in my foot and all i could think was, "well there goes my pedicure." and i tried to pull the glass out. but you see when i pulled the glass out, it hurt but it wasn't to the point that i couldn't take the pain, and i was calm the whole time. was extremely weird. last nights dream, i was biking around Edmonton, but it was kinda run down and there was grass and plants everywhere. me and Amanda biked up to this one point and it was this huge group listening to this speaker in an open field. beside the crowd was a concession stand and i was getting me and Amanda drinks. some guy tried to butt in from of me and i get mad and bump up and in front of him. he tries to grab me, and i remember the feeling of being way out of my league and yet i still kept going and fought back. i get Amanda's and my drinks and we take off on our bikes. so we start to leave the field and we see this hydro garden with sunflowers growing in it. we stop to look at them and i see this huge caterpillar. and for some reason the Caterpillar was the apinaty of my dream. all the Caterpillar did was climbing up and down the leaf eating bits of it. and both the leaf and Caterpillar were huge! like the leaf was the size of my head and the Caterpillar could fit in my hand nicely.
then some guy were after us ( i think it had to do with the guy i bitched out at in the concession.) and we jumped onto our bikes and booked it.
both dreams were really vivid and i could remember every detail. i think its because Ive been lacking sleep. i could go for some right now actually. i think my crappy sleep is due to stress. Ive got 2 have exams to worry about. my bio diploma, and my math exam.
best part is that even if i tell the math final to go blow its self, ill still pass! with only a 56% but ill still pass lol. every one i tell that to asks me if i am going to the exam. which is a really dumb question, considering I've put in all this work, there is no way in hell id skip it!
now bio on the other hand I'm fucked if i bomb. i think i need at least a 70%. to keep me in the 70% range.and the higher 70% range I'm in the better chance i have of getting into NAIT.
must get into NAIT and get out of this hell hole! must!
its dumb because the stupid diploma is 50% of our over all mark! cuz that doesn't put tons of pressure on kids and make them lock up! and when you go to do the diplomas its like your going into lock down. if you have to pee a teacher goes with you and stands outside your stall.
moms being nosy again. she just sits there and watches me. its SO annoying. its like I'm some freak reality TV show. but the difference is that the cast doesn't get asked a billion stupid questions. i do. what are you doing? whats that? how school? why is the dog looking at the wall? does my hair look frizzy? what do you think fish think in their tank?
now shes asking me if i feel guilty about what I'm typing. and is demanding i fill up the dogs food dish. cuz that piano tired to her HUGE ass is So heavy.
! i just remembered! the girl that was suppose to be my replacement for nighttime supervisor quit. this will be the 2nd, or is it the 3rd person to reject the position. its funny. you know your job sucks ass when every person they hire to replace you quits before they are even close to being finished training. i should get a raise!
so sleepy. i just want this day to be over so i can go to bed and die. ugh, i guess i better go study some bio again. i find i absorb it better when i study it in chunks.
cya.
- i hate spicy stuff, like tomato paste is where i draw the line. yet i keep eating this shit and chugging down 10 tons of water. because I'm really stupid.
- cheese makes me sick. so not only will i be crapping out fire bombs but the lactose will probably try to get the upper hand and kill me.
in other news i love my dog. i really do, he makes me happy, and we have so much fun. i think when he passes away ill be very heart broken. worse or at least = to when my last dog passed away. mostly because I've been with him since he was pup. we snuggled on the floor, and when we would have showers together. lots of good memories. i really do love him. <3 I've also been having really vivid dreams. the day before i got my 1st pedicure, and that night i dreamt i was sitting at my desk and i accidentally broke something glass. for some reason i got the feeling it was a light bulb. and as i got up to get the broom, i got a bunch of glass in my foot. i picked most of it out, and there was a little bit of blood on each piece. but then in my heal was like this huge hunk, it was curved and was sunken in 1/2 way into my heal. i started to pull it out and i noticed that if i did it would bleed heavily and i should probably get stitches. so i tell this to my mom and that i need her to help me get to the hospital. she says "no way I'm going over there! i don't want to get any glass in my feet!" so i yell at her to sweep up the glass then. she tells me "i don't want to, I'm tired I'm going to go take a nap." and then walks away. and so I'm sitting there with this huge chunk of glass in my foot and all i could think was, "well there goes my pedicure." and i tried to pull the glass out. but you see when i pulled the glass out, it hurt but it wasn't to the point that i couldn't take the pain, and i was calm the whole time. was extremely weird. last nights dream, i was biking around Edmonton, but it was kinda run down and there was grass and plants everywhere. me and Amanda biked up to this one point and it was this huge group listening to this speaker in an open field. beside the crowd was a concession stand and i was getting me and Amanda drinks. some guy tried to butt in from of me and i get mad and bump up and in front of him. he tries to grab me, and i remember the feeling of being way out of my league and yet i still kept going and fought back. i get Amanda's and my drinks and we take off on our bikes. so we start to leave the field and we see this hydro garden with sunflowers growing in it. we stop to look at them and i see this huge caterpillar. and for some reason the Caterpillar was the apinaty of my dream. all the Caterpillar did was climbing up and down the leaf eating bits of it. and both the leaf and Caterpillar were huge! like the leaf was the size of my head and the Caterpillar could fit in my hand nicely.
then some guy were after us ( i think it had to do with the guy i bitched out at in the concession.) and we jumped onto our bikes and booked it.
both dreams were really vivid and i could remember every detail. i think its because Ive been lacking sleep. i could go for some right now actually. i think my crappy sleep is due to stress. Ive got 2 have exams to worry about. my bio diploma, and my math exam.
best part is that even if i tell the math final to go blow its self, ill still pass! with only a 56% but ill still pass lol. every one i tell that to asks me if i am going to the exam. which is a really dumb question, considering I've put in all this work, there is no way in hell id skip it!
now bio on the other hand I'm fucked if i bomb. i think i need at least a 70%. to keep me in the 70% range.and the higher 70% range I'm in the better chance i have of getting into NAIT.
must get into NAIT and get out of this hell hole! must!
its dumb because the stupid diploma is 50% of our over all mark! cuz that doesn't put tons of pressure on kids and make them lock up! and when you go to do the diplomas its like your going into lock down. if you have to pee a teacher goes with you and stands outside your stall.
moms being nosy again. she just sits there and watches me. its SO annoying. its like I'm some freak reality TV show. but the difference is that the cast doesn't get asked a billion stupid questions. i do. what are you doing? whats that? how school? why is the dog looking at the wall? does my hair look frizzy? what do you think fish think in their tank?
now shes asking me if i feel guilty about what I'm typing. and is demanding i fill up the dogs food dish. cuz that piano tired to her HUGE ass is So heavy.
! i just remembered! the girl that was suppose to be my replacement for nighttime supervisor quit. this will be the 2nd, or is it the 3rd person to reject the position. its funny. you know your job sucks ass when every person they hire to replace you quits before they are even close to being finished training. i should get a raise!
so sleepy. i just want this day to be over so i can go to bed and die. ugh, i guess i better go study some bio again. i find i absorb it better when i study it in chunks.
cya.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Another day another marble
ugh! school tomorrow. i really don't wanna go. i bought lee a WII. he wont get his butt out of the living room. annoying.
i haven't done any of my homework. neeeh. that is my own darn fault at least. i will probably start that asap.
but before i do i just wanna note that teenagers are stupid. very very stupid wanna be adults. i pity the people that had to put up we me as a teen. if i was 1/2 of what the kids are like now a days, I'm surprised no one tried to slip me a Clorox cocktail. they probably did. i just metabolized it to fast for it to take effect. because that's what teens do.
stupid Melissa. shes pissed at Steph because Kent- wait ill start from the beginning
3 girls, Steph, Brit, and Melissa.
3 guys, Kenton, Kelly, and Steven.
Melissa and Brit are best buds.
Kenton and Kelly are brothers.
Brit likes all 3 guys, but is really shy to even make any kind of moves towards any of them. Brit tells Melissa who she likes and Melissa starts to flirt with all three guys. making them off bounds for Brit. pretty much if Brit has a conversation that lasts more then 5 min with any one of them Melissa has a fit.
Steph is friends with all three guys, and doesn't give 2 hoots about Melissa's pissyness.
Melissa finally decides to date Kelly. she has been flirting heavily with Kenton the whole time though. Kenton isn't very happy about this. Kelly's feelings unknown.
Kenton's a dink to Melissa. and is annoyed with Kelly. Kenton talks a lot to Steph. as does Steven, who was also heavily flirted with.
Steven plays a prank on Melissa and Steph knows. Melissa gets mad at Steph, and blames her (god knows why)
Kenton is a douche to Melissa and puts raw chicken in her shoes and is all around mean to Melissa. but Kenton is nice to Steph.
Melissa says that Steph and Kenton are out to get her and starts to bitch about how evil Steph is. tells everyone.
Steph finally gets made for being blamed and snaps back.
the 2 fight, neither are speaking and Melissa has a never ending hate on Steph.
now Melissa gets pissed at anyone who even talks to Steph. and is all around a bag.
I'm honestly waiting for this to blow up and have an all around cat fight. this is why i hate working with teenagers. i cant wait till I'm through collage and working with teeth! teeth don't act stupid. the eye teeth are not going to have a bitch fest because they both like the back molar.
I'm also working a week straight and have final exams/diplomas. I'm sorry math pure. but your going to have to take one for the team. bio is just a lil more important. sorry babe.
anyways I'm going to go do homework then have a shower. lee is being a douche. spoiled lil brat.
i haven't done any of my homework. neeeh. that is my own darn fault at least. i will probably start that asap.
but before i do i just wanna note that teenagers are stupid. very very stupid wanna be adults. i pity the people that had to put up we me as a teen. if i was 1/2 of what the kids are like now a days, I'm surprised no one tried to slip me a Clorox cocktail. they probably did. i just metabolized it to fast for it to take effect. because that's what teens do.
stupid Melissa. shes pissed at Steph because Kent- wait ill start from the beginning
3 girls, Steph, Brit, and Melissa.
3 guys, Kenton, Kelly, and Steven.
Melissa and Brit are best buds.
Kenton and Kelly are brothers.
Brit likes all 3 guys, but is really shy to even make any kind of moves towards any of them. Brit tells Melissa who she likes and Melissa starts to flirt with all three guys. making them off bounds for Brit. pretty much if Brit has a conversation that lasts more then 5 min with any one of them Melissa has a fit.
Steph is friends with all three guys, and doesn't give 2 hoots about Melissa's pissyness.
Melissa finally decides to date Kelly. she has been flirting heavily with Kenton the whole time though. Kenton isn't very happy about this. Kelly's feelings unknown.
Kenton's a dink to Melissa. and is annoyed with Kelly. Kenton talks a lot to Steph. as does Steven, who was also heavily flirted with.
Steven plays a prank on Melissa and Steph knows. Melissa gets mad at Steph, and blames her (god knows why)
Kenton is a douche to Melissa and puts raw chicken in her shoes and is all around mean to Melissa. but Kenton is nice to Steph.
Melissa says that Steph and Kenton are out to get her and starts to bitch about how evil Steph is. tells everyone.
Steph finally gets made for being blamed and snaps back.
the 2 fight, neither are speaking and Melissa has a never ending hate on Steph.
now Melissa gets pissed at anyone who even talks to Steph. and is all around a bag.
I'm honestly waiting for this to blow up and have an all around cat fight. this is why i hate working with teenagers. i cant wait till I'm through collage and working with teeth! teeth don't act stupid. the eye teeth are not going to have a bitch fest because they both like the back molar.
I'm also working a week straight and have final exams/diplomas. I'm sorry math pure. but your going to have to take one for the team. bio is just a lil more important. sorry babe.
anyways I'm going to go do homework then have a shower. lee is being a douche. spoiled lil brat.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Lost And Found, Love is Going to Save Us.
........¶¶¶¶¶¶............¶¶¶¶¶¶
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...............¶¶" !!!
i thought it was cute. and im not that creative. cuz i sux. balls. large yellow crack balls. i dunno. ever got to that point beyond tired and your running on insanity and empty cabbage? yeah, im at that point. its so bad that im listening to a song who's main lyrics is "have you ever fucked on cocaine?" which im going to have to say no. definite no.
SO. i had my 1st eye test in like years. im near sighted in one eye. heaven forbid my body be freaking uniform! its not that bad though, because my left eye compensates for the screwed up eye. honestly if my left eye was self aware, i think it would be pissed. probably would go ranting at the right for not picking up the slack. then there would be fist fights and all. if eyes had fists.
i bought a huge bone for titus.
he wuvs it, he wuvs it bad.
im ticked at myself! i wrecked my fav toy that scott got me! the heart shaped message heat pack thing. im soooo stupid! i was boiling it and then left it alone. so all the water boiled out and the pack was wrecked! i know! so dumb! the most retarded thing ever! i feel so stupid! i wanna blame my tiredness, but i know it was just my own retardedness.
and i felt so ashamed when i told scott what i did. he said it was okay, but i know he was kinda annoyed.
And it was something that he actually took the time to think up of and knew i would love. and i did love it. and thats why feel so bad. its one of the few gifts that i know he put thought into, and i loved it because of that. then i broke it. :(
im sleepy. im going to bed now. nighty!
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...........¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶
............¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶
.............¶¶¶¶¶¶
...............¶¶" !!!
i thought it was cute. and im not that creative. cuz i sux. balls. large yellow crack balls. i dunno. ever got to that point beyond tired and your running on insanity and empty cabbage? yeah, im at that point. its so bad that im listening to a song who's main lyrics is "have you ever fucked on cocaine?" which im going to have to say no. definite no.
SO. i had my 1st eye test in like years. im near sighted in one eye. heaven forbid my body be freaking uniform! its not that bad though, because my left eye compensates for the screwed up eye. honestly if my left eye was self aware, i think it would be pissed. probably would go ranting at the right for not picking up the slack. then there would be fist fights and all. if eyes had fists.
i bought a huge bone for titus.
he wuvs it, he wuvs it bad.
im ticked at myself! i wrecked my fav toy that scott got me! the heart shaped message heat pack thing. im soooo stupid! i was boiling it and then left it alone. so all the water boiled out and the pack was wrecked! i know! so dumb! the most retarded thing ever! i feel so stupid! i wanna blame my tiredness, but i know it was just my own retardedness.
and i felt so ashamed when i told scott what i did. he said it was okay, but i know he was kinda annoyed.
And it was something that he actually took the time to think up of and knew i would love. and i did love it. and thats why feel so bad. its one of the few gifts that i know he put thought into, and i loved it because of that. then i broke it. :(
im sleepy. im going to bed now. nighty!
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