Playing bum darts is gay,

okay.... now I'm ticked. i just started to type out a blog, when WHAM! Firefox crashes and burns. how i loath computers!

so I'm trying to play some videos Ive had on my computer for a long time and guess what? my computer is, as usually, insistent on being the flaming douche bag that it is so well know to be. YET! i downloaded some music videos and THEY play. like i said, hell bent douche.

and of course my moms riding my ass like a freaking rodeo clown, saying that WE need to clean up this pig pen. and by we, it translates to you. so in reality she is saying "Ashley YOU need to clean up the house because its dirty. Me, being the useless tit that i insist on being, shall flop on my queen size bed like the beach whale that i am, and wait for the day that my beluga brothern will come and sat me free!" we can only hope that if the beluga whales do come, they bring a crane, because i doubt that my mom will be able to haul her massive ass into the ocean "free willy" style. then again, if we leave a trail of snicker bars and corn chips into the ocean, perhaps she can find her own way home. do i hear green peace coming this way.


as for Lee. i don't care if hes autistic. really i don't any more. hes my brother and I'm going to insist on treating him like a bloody normal kid! if he come screaming, and i mean screaming! into the room shouting out a power ranger slogan one more time i will have no problem with frying his computer with windex and windshield washer fluid!
now this only applies to when I'm sleeping of course. just because beluga the freaking whale
and the wanna be Pink Ranger are able to sleep any time they wish, with no worries about money or any of that minor stuff doesn't mean some OTHER people cant! I'm sorry but i cant live on less then 7 hours of sleep. i crash and burn like a NASA ship coming back to earth.

and of course my moms usually line "i have no privacy!" er? wha? fucking back that bull shit train up a sec! you have WHAT?! I'm sorry! how selfish of me! dad and me have no actual room, i share with lee while dad sleeps in the living room. i have a corner (which you so lovingly bitch about ever chance you get!) and a mattress! while you have the biggest room in the house (it matches ur ass) but i guess that's invading on your privacy! well then LEE! DAD! pack up your fucking crap so bitch whore can her the house to her fatty self!


like fuck all of you! the only person who gets even the option of bitching is dad! he at least puts food on the table and a bloody house over out freaking heads! i have school and work!

and you guys constantly bitch that i take up so much space and that i have my shit everywhere! yet when i say that ill move out its all "no! don't move out! it will be to hard! you cant work AND go to school!" well lets see, physical exhaustion and abuse, or mental exhaustion and abuse! i have no fucking clue what you ass fuckers want from me!!!!! you want me to run the whole show!

"bathroom isn't done yet!" looks at me
"basement isn't cleaned up yet!" looks at me
"the yard looks like shit!" looks at me
"there is nothing for dinner!" looks at me

does any one else see a fucking trend here? I'm sorry I'm not fucking god! i cant clean, fix up the yard, renovate the house, AND make dinner all at once! if i could do you think we would still be in this dump hose?! hell no i would have cured cancer and make some great thing that everyone needs and become a freaking billionaire!

and why do you want me to get my drivers? so you don't have to drive me everywhere? honestly, do i really beg for a ride that often? i bloody cant because i FREAKING WORK! hard to be driven everywhere when i have to be at one place the whole time.
you people probably want me to get my drivers so i can be YOUR fucking go to girl! how many times have i heard "i wish you could drive so you could "insert some demand here" hell i could give you examples "take lee here, take me here, get me smokes, pick this up for me, get this for us...." tra ladie da da dA!

and if my mom asks me one more stupid fucking question Ive told her the answer to one more time i WILL shove the sewing machine down her fat fucking ugly throat!

this whole family makes me so angry and frustrated! i just want to be left alone for one fucking DAY! ONE DAY! not have fucking 20 question game played with me every time i enter the fucking room! just have my own space! i want an actual day off! where i don't have school! don't have to meet the demands of others! EVERY DAY that i EVER get off i have to try and stuff FULL of shit that every ones wants me to do! leave me alone! i want to VEG! i want to spend a day doing nothing and not be ridiculed for it! ONE DAY!
i want to scream! i want to cry! i want to hurt something! i want to break stuff! i want to disappoint someone! i want to have a tantrum! i want to be selfish! i want to be free! why am i not allowed to have this stuff?!

this has been building up. Ive just finally had enough. Ive been putting this journal off for a long time because I'm sick of always writing out bad thing! i wish i had my bike back....