A little to the left.

I feel a little to the left today.
I'm not much of a left person.
it like your always sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else run around and have fun, and when you go to join, there is never any room, or an aura of unwantedness settles in like a fog.
being on left is also kinda cool too. your sitting on the bench and its slightly chilly, but the sun is there to warm your back. if those damn clouds would just stop passing over it though.
when being a little to the left you always seem to have people act weird around you. its like they know your a little off and not quite stable and so they either ignore you, or try to take advantage of you. very unsettling.

being to the left doesn't give you that much of a variety of emotions either, you always feel blah. you only just have different ranges of bleh.

i think one of the reasons i was a little to the left today, it that i kinda noticed i have gone into mother hen mode again. i hate mother hen mode.
i feel as if i have to protect everyone or make it right. one of my friends feels down and alone. it frustrates me, its like I'm blocked from her by this barrier, its made by small strings of web but is very solid. ever time i wanna get to her i slam myself against the wall and the wall absorbs the energy and just budges a little.
it makes me feel so angry. i want to scream and shout, i want to throw things. and i don't think its because i can help her, its because i feel helpless myself. i
enjoy control i thrive on it like a thirsty flower.

i wish it was tomorrow already, and the sunlight was already filtering in through out big bay window in the living room. then i could lean to the right and curl up in it, just soaking it in.
i like sitting in the sun, its so warm and cozy.

i cant wait till I'm level again and perhaps feeling right. the right always looks more comforting. but the grass is always greener on the right side.
I'm sleepy.

i cut myself while washing out my water bottle. i found a turkey baster washing wand that fits inside my mouthpiece. while washing it i slice the middle of my hand open.
i didn't think anything of it at the time and cleaned out the kitty litter. i think its infected now because its so soar. slightly swollen too.

i wish i could buy a pass to galaxy land with a friend. i want to feel like a child again.