Sobby Blog!

this is actually a response to and email my sister in-law sent me, regarding my last post. i was going to email it, but i chickened out. i don't know why i was scared to send it to her but i was. so instead I'm posting it (it does kinda sound like a blog entry anyway)

that's okay, I'm not much of a blog reader either. I'm not even much of a blog writer lol.
I dunno whats up with me but i feel like I'm caged. i don't wanna be like this anymore. i don't know why i feel like this but i do. i wanna run away some days. just hop onto my bike and ride away for a bit.
I find I'm confused over everything and all i do is walk through a thick fog. i wish i could have some me time. where i don't have to listen to lee stim, and pretty much babysit my mom. i hate listening to her stupid ideas, and comments. she pretends that she knows sooo much and that she is all smart and intelligent. i know its mean, but she isn't, in all actuality she is stupid. that wouldn't bother me though, if only she could accept it. i know I'm no super brainier, but i accept that. I'm okay with the fact that i can just barely understand what other people say when it comes to stuff that isn't just every day things. but i listen, so to me i think that's a pretty good.
one good thing happened at work the other day. Ellie finally saw how useless most of my cooks were. they are a pain cuz most of the time they never do what they have to get done. she saw this and started commenting on it. i told her that they do this everyday, and that its nothing new. it was kinda nice.
as for the crazy thing... i am scared. it like a nightmare feeling, where one day ill wake-up screaming and i wont know why, or who i am anymore. right now it feels like its just creeping up on me waiting. everyone has their demons. this ones mine. i know it sound silly but to me its real. I'm just waiting for the day i crack and start crying, cuz i know that on that day there is a 50:50 Chance i might not stop. everyone looks at me and always thinks that I'm fine but really i just try and plaster a smile on my face. kinda like wearing a mask. i hate it.
anyway, i just told my mom that she should feed lee more then just cracker (like a sandwich maybe) which is pretty much my signal that i need to help her again. and i need to shower. ill ttyl

i look back at my blogs and to me it looks like I'm trying to create a pity party. i honestly don't want one. people seem to think i have a hard life. in truth i don't, well at least not compared to some others. i don't mind if people pity me per say but i feel like I'm trying to make them pity me. i don't want others to think that's what I'm striving for.

Will you still love me?



made almost entirely out of Cozmo mag.